So, I ditched church today. And, I don’t mean that I just didn’t go to the Cathedral – I mean I didn’t go at all.
It was for a worthwhile cause, though - I went to march in a Ron Paul rally. The event was loosely organized, which was fine, but wasn’t well thought-out since the organizers decided to have the group walk down the mess that is light rail construction on Central Avenue midmorning on a Sunday.
I’m afraid there were more people marching than driving past us.
The good news was that I stood for about 45 minutes at the end of the route and spent time holding up signs in front of Chase Field – ostensibly because it was “Republican Day” there. A lot more people got to see the signs and hear the message.
So, for a few hours, I felt like I put forth some good community effort for a good cause, and that got me thinking . . .
My regular readers and friends will know that I’ve felt a bit out-of-sync with my life as of late. Part of this comes from my not feeling really plugged into a community of any sort. I was plugged into my college community, and it was easy for me to hang on to church for a while after that. But for a lot of reasons, I needed to take a break from that somewhat.
The consequence, though, is that I’ve been made even more aware of how this idea of community is missing from Phoenix, which is one of the reasons why I want to leave here. There are places where you find community here – places like Camelback Towers, the hi-rise I lived in for 4 years. That was such a wonderful place with lots of neat people. I really miss it.
I think it was after leaving Camelback Towers about three years ago that I really started to feel this disconnection, and I tried to assuage that concern by moving close (very close) to church to try to stay more connected. And that was a good effort, but it didn’t work. Of course, the need for a huge change in my life didn’t go away when I moved to another new place back in March.
Along the way, I’ve also tried to start up two romantic relationships that seemed promising, but didn’t get off the ground.
But what came to mind today was this idea that 1) things don’t happen that aren’t supposed to happen, and that’s unfortunate in the short term, but not the long term, 2) that these situations are adding up to convince me to change course significantly in my life, and 3) the feelings are just going to get worse, as well they should, to push me out of my complacency.
One friend of mine who is maybe about 42 or so once said that he was a firm Gen Xer – that he was constantly searching for something, but he didn’t know what he was searching for. While I’ve seemed to identify more with the Millennial (or Mosaic) Generation, I’m definitely borderline, and can certainly relate to this feeling.
One priest I know, who speaks powerfully and prophetically, told me flat out that I was really jaded. This was the same one who told me a few weeks ago that I don’t like change, and that I need to live somewhere else.
He’s right on all three counts, I’m ashamed to say, and that’s a really bad combination.
8.26.2007
8.25.2007
Looking for Opening Doors
My readers will recall that I’ve mentioned recently on this blog that I’ve been doing a lot of online research into graduate school programs and also doing some exploratory reading of recent scholarly articles in music to get a sense of what people are writing and thinking about.
I spent several days about a week ago reading some articles in the area of Music Theory – this being a subject I truly loved when I was college. Most of my fellow classmates disliked much contemporary music, and various techniques of composers since 1900 were of tremendous interest – perhaps simply because the sounds created by them seemed so esoteric, and I like stuff like that. But, now, about 10 years later, much of the discussion was far over my head, speaking of thinks like Neo-Riemannian theory, which involved a great deal of mathematical analysis that, on initial reading, did not have much resonance for me. Now, I haven’t totally cast this off, because I realize that my ignorance of the ideas may be causing me to dismiss them as uninteresting.
But, I should say that the writing and thinking did not “call to me”, as I’ve mentioned in an earlier post today.
Within a few years after I had finished college, I was working as a substitute teacher and living at home. While I had a lot of school-based momentum going for me at that moment, for many reasons that didn’t translate well into transitioning straight into graduate school. But I did begin to look closely at some good programs, especially in sacred music, at several schools around the country.
In the process, I happened to get put on the mailing list for the Yale Institute of Sacred Music. Usually when their publications arrive, I would end up setting them aside in some ignoble place, thinking that I would be interested in reading them someday.
One of those somedays was today, when I happened to pick up a journal of what I think are transcriptions of lectures that were given at a music conference. The journal is “Colloquium: Music, Worship, Arts”, Volume 2, Autumn 2005. (You can find it here.)
In it, there’s an article by composer Libby Larsen, who writes about the popular cultures perception of classical music – how it has changed and why it is difficult to define. She discusses this in the context of how music relates to changing patterns of transportation, through some very careful and exacting research involving the construction of concert halls and movie theaters at key times in American history.
So, how does this tie in with music theory? Well, while I didn’t have much resonance with these theoretical ideas, I’ve been very interested lately in the ways that our architecture actively shapes our worship experiences as local congregations. Further, I’ve also had an interest in urban planning, which has a lot to do with transportation, and how the way our cities and environments are designed shapes our aesthetic. This is an area of research and exploration that I’m very interested in discovering further.
I think the three biggest shapers of our lives as Americans today are the car, the television, and the computer. And in her research, she’s exploring this connection with how music has been shaped by transportation.
These ideas are exciting to me, because I’m very much interested in the intersection of urban planning, architecture, sociology, theology, and music. More than that, I want to know what it means for us so we have better ways of understanding what types of music can speak to people in different socioeconomic strata and geographical areas of cities, and what we can do to introduce them to new ways of thinking theologically through challenging musical experiences.
While there is still much more to think about, pre-grad school explorations are about finding out what doors may be opening, and I’m thinking this could possibly be one of them.
I spent several days about a week ago reading some articles in the area of Music Theory – this being a subject I truly loved when I was college. Most of my fellow classmates disliked much contemporary music, and various techniques of composers since 1900 were of tremendous interest – perhaps simply because the sounds created by them seemed so esoteric, and I like stuff like that. But, now, about 10 years later, much of the discussion was far over my head, speaking of thinks like Neo-Riemannian theory, which involved a great deal of mathematical analysis that, on initial reading, did not have much resonance for me. Now, I haven’t totally cast this off, because I realize that my ignorance of the ideas may be causing me to dismiss them as uninteresting.
But, I should say that the writing and thinking did not “call to me”, as I’ve mentioned in an earlier post today.
Within a few years after I had finished college, I was working as a substitute teacher and living at home. While I had a lot of school-based momentum going for me at that moment, for many reasons that didn’t translate well into transitioning straight into graduate school. But I did begin to look closely at some good programs, especially in sacred music, at several schools around the country.
In the process, I happened to get put on the mailing list for the Yale Institute of Sacred Music. Usually when their publications arrive, I would end up setting them aside in some ignoble place, thinking that I would be interested in reading them someday.
One of those somedays was today, when I happened to pick up a journal of what I think are transcriptions of lectures that were given at a music conference. The journal is “Colloquium: Music, Worship, Arts”, Volume 2, Autumn 2005. (You can find it here.)
In it, there’s an article by composer Libby Larsen, who writes about the popular cultures perception of classical music – how it has changed and why it is difficult to define. She discusses this in the context of how music relates to changing patterns of transportation, through some very careful and exacting research involving the construction of concert halls and movie theaters at key times in American history.
So, how does this tie in with music theory? Well, while I didn’t have much resonance with these theoretical ideas, I’ve been very interested lately in the ways that our architecture actively shapes our worship experiences as local congregations. Further, I’ve also had an interest in urban planning, which has a lot to do with transportation, and how the way our cities and environments are designed shapes our aesthetic. This is an area of research and exploration that I’m very interested in discovering further.
I think the three biggest shapers of our lives as Americans today are the car, the television, and the computer. And in her research, she’s exploring this connection with how music has been shaped by transportation.
These ideas are exciting to me, because I’m very much interested in the intersection of urban planning, architecture, sociology, theology, and music. More than that, I want to know what it means for us so we have better ways of understanding what types of music can speak to people in different socioeconomic strata and geographical areas of cities, and what we can do to introduce them to new ways of thinking theologically through challenging musical experiences.
While there is still much more to think about, pre-grad school explorations are about finding out what doors may be opening, and I’m thinking this could possibly be one of them.
Looking Askance at the Ivory Tower
Many of you know that as of late I’ve been giving a hard look at graduate school and wondering why I want to be back into it and what that’s going to accomplish.
Last night, I had dinner with an old friend of mine who is in her last year of work toward her MSW – and she gave me several ideas about the types of research she’s had to do and the tremendous opportunities she’s had for growth in her field. While in school, she’s written what is basically a guidebook for running support groups, and now she’s looking at getting it published. She was majoring in sociology after a lot of wanderings through several majors, both at the college I went to, NAU, and several of the community colleges around town – and at the time of her graduation, she had accumulated something close to 200 credits in a very wide variety of classes. She had to be one of the most over-educated people without a degree that I knew, although she was far less geeky than I was, certainly.
But knowing her when she was a college student, and speaking with her now in the midst of her study has given me a valuable frame of reference as to how somebody can plug into this world that now seems so far removed from my current life as a church administrator.
I’m very thankful to God that he has brought into my life several studious, intelligent, and academically inclined friends for me to hang around with and bounce ideas off of. They are a great blessing and inspiration to me at this particular point on my life journey.
Last night, I had dinner with an old friend of mine who is in her last year of work toward her MSW – and she gave me several ideas about the types of research she’s had to do and the tremendous opportunities she’s had for growth in her field. While in school, she’s written what is basically a guidebook for running support groups, and now she’s looking at getting it published. She was majoring in sociology after a lot of wanderings through several majors, both at the college I went to, NAU, and several of the community colleges around town – and at the time of her graduation, she had accumulated something close to 200 credits in a very wide variety of classes. She had to be one of the most over-educated people without a degree that I knew, although she was far less geeky than I was, certainly.
But knowing her when she was a college student, and speaking with her now in the midst of her study has given me a valuable frame of reference as to how somebody can plug into this world that now seems so far removed from my current life as a church administrator.
I’m very thankful to God that he has brought into my life several studious, intelligent, and academically inclined friends for me to hang around with and bounce ideas off of. They are a great blessing and inspiration to me at this particular point on my life journey.
It Calls to Me
A few days ago at the church where I work, I got a call from a neighborhood resident who was asking about teaching a recurring class in our building. When she explained why she was interested, she talked about having a few other locations in mind, but she drove by our labyrinth and said, “it calls to me.”
That comment made me smile a little, but there was also something intriguing about it, and that phrase stuck out in my mind out of the everyday hum.
Many people I’ve met have a deep experience of intuition, and as they’ve learned to listen to it and develop it, they’ve found it a very useful sense to draw upon for making decisions or pursing important avenues. When writing about this, it’s easy to conjure up images of fortunetellers and New Age dabblers, but I really want to get away from those types of images and abstract them to a more simple and personal level. In fact, I’ve often suspected that everyone has this type of sense, and some have strong natural abilities in it while it may not be as strong in others.
This woman’s comment makes me aware that I have to think of ideas, places, situations, etc, which call to me as well. From a psychological standpoint, I’m sure some Jungians would have something to say about the collective unconscious or the shadow self trying to let go of some of its repressed energy, and those are valid ways of looking at it also.
But some equate these ideas with God speaking to them, and I think this is very dangerous and arrogant. While I don’t believe it’s possible to be completely sure of times when God is speaking to you, it is possible to be convicted through faith – and this isn’t something rational, of course, because faith is not a rational act.
If we can understand that our own intuition comes from deep within us, and are able to discern those kinds of desires from things from a holy sense of conviction, all of us would be able to draw nearer and listen harder to this inner voice. Part of this can come from being around those who have spent more time developing these senses, as they may be able to serve as examples – or even mentors – to those of us who are trying to let ourselves be guided more by our intuitive side.
This is true for me, and I think over the past two years I’ve done better about listening for the things that call to me. I’ve tried to be very intentional in my awareness of times that my intuition is leading me to do something. And I’ve practiced in small ways, with small decisions that don’t have much consequence, believing that as I’m able to interpret and use the sense effectively in this way, it will be a more valuable guide with more consequential decisions in the future.
Looking back on some big decisions I’ve made, I have to note that I’ve been unhappy or dissatisfied later when I’ve made a decision that I don’t believe I felt “called” to make. Other times, when I have followed this inner prompting, I’ve found that it led to a period of very difficult, but deeply valuable, personal growth.
When it comes to my ideas about New Mexico, music, romantic relationships, church, Seattle, graduate school, and many of these things that call to me, I’ve known that I’ve needed to take time to listen and wait for some of these nebulous ideas to begin to swirl together into tangible and interconnected senses of purpose and priorities. As I take these ideas, together with doors that open and opportunities that present themselves, I get closer to having a well-developed plan to put into place to begin to arrive at the next place or phase that I’m supposed to enter.
It’s very scary, and I’m well aware that one does not always know the depth or condition of water one is called to jump into – but I know also that if you keep doing the same thing, you’ll keep getting the same result.
And it is time for something different.
That comment made me smile a little, but there was also something intriguing about it, and that phrase stuck out in my mind out of the everyday hum.
Many people I’ve met have a deep experience of intuition, and as they’ve learned to listen to it and develop it, they’ve found it a very useful sense to draw upon for making decisions or pursing important avenues. When writing about this, it’s easy to conjure up images of fortunetellers and New Age dabblers, but I really want to get away from those types of images and abstract them to a more simple and personal level. In fact, I’ve often suspected that everyone has this type of sense, and some have strong natural abilities in it while it may not be as strong in others.
This woman’s comment makes me aware that I have to think of ideas, places, situations, etc, which call to me as well. From a psychological standpoint, I’m sure some Jungians would have something to say about the collective unconscious or the shadow self trying to let go of some of its repressed energy, and those are valid ways of looking at it also.
But some equate these ideas with God speaking to them, and I think this is very dangerous and arrogant. While I don’t believe it’s possible to be completely sure of times when God is speaking to you, it is possible to be convicted through faith – and this isn’t something rational, of course, because faith is not a rational act.
If we can understand that our own intuition comes from deep within us, and are able to discern those kinds of desires from things from a holy sense of conviction, all of us would be able to draw nearer and listen harder to this inner voice. Part of this can come from being around those who have spent more time developing these senses, as they may be able to serve as examples – or even mentors – to those of us who are trying to let ourselves be guided more by our intuitive side.
This is true for me, and I think over the past two years I’ve done better about listening for the things that call to me. I’ve tried to be very intentional in my awareness of times that my intuition is leading me to do something. And I’ve practiced in small ways, with small decisions that don’t have much consequence, believing that as I’m able to interpret and use the sense effectively in this way, it will be a more valuable guide with more consequential decisions in the future.
Looking back on some big decisions I’ve made, I have to note that I’ve been unhappy or dissatisfied later when I’ve made a decision that I don’t believe I felt “called” to make. Other times, when I have followed this inner prompting, I’ve found that it led to a period of very difficult, but deeply valuable, personal growth.
When it comes to my ideas about New Mexico, music, romantic relationships, church, Seattle, graduate school, and many of these things that call to me, I’ve known that I’ve needed to take time to listen and wait for some of these nebulous ideas to begin to swirl together into tangible and interconnected senses of purpose and priorities. As I take these ideas, together with doors that open and opportunities that present themselves, I get closer to having a well-developed plan to put into place to begin to arrive at the next place or phase that I’m supposed to enter.
It’s very scary, and I’m well aware that one does not always know the depth or condition of water one is called to jump into – but I know also that if you keep doing the same thing, you’ll keep getting the same result.
And it is time for something different.
8.18.2007
Researching the Next Step
I ran into an old classmate of mine last night at a Medieval / Renaissance concert, and we were talking about the ideas of going back to school. She’s been giving some thought to this lately, as I have. She’s been out of college probably about 8 years, about the same amount of time as I have, and she said it was like remembering a whole different life. I couldn’t agree more, and that’s why it’s going to take me a little while to even wrap my head around the world of music again before I can even make any decisions about what I’m doing with that part of my life.
Part of wading into the musical waters has been doing a lot of online research over the past few weeks about life in graduate school in general and about specific graduate programs in music. I’ve also spent time reading some online journals and articles to try to get a bit familiar with the writing style and ideas researchers are currently writing about – mostly to see if I can find a point of resonance with any of it.
So far, my results have been mixed.
But one area I’m interested in exploring is modern art music in the church setting. And here, I’m thinking of atonal music and other types of complex musical expression in the context of our worship services.
Sure, there is some sacred music that is pathbreaking in nature – and as complex and subtle as any contemporary masterwork you would here in the symphony hall. But these are not works that are designed for use during an actual worship service, or even in the context of a worshipful concert.
Driven by this question of why we don’t see more of this type of music in our churches, I decided to wade into the waters a little bit more on this one to see who had been writing what.
I've decided that while I'm getting my thoughts organized, I'll leave a scratchpad of some of these ideas available for any of you readers who may be interested over on my website: http://members.cox.net/martinpommerenke
When you get there, just click the "Research" button on the navigation bar.
I don't know how far this project is going to go, so this seems like a good plan in the interim. Who knows? It might even turn into a blog. Or, I might decide to keep it private and do extracts of things for public consumption. We shall see.
At any rate, your good wishes and happy energies in my direction are most welcome as I've begun to dig into some of this grad school and idea research in a serious way.
Part of wading into the musical waters has been doing a lot of online research over the past few weeks about life in graduate school in general and about specific graduate programs in music. I’ve also spent time reading some online journals and articles to try to get a bit familiar with the writing style and ideas researchers are currently writing about – mostly to see if I can find a point of resonance with any of it.
So far, my results have been mixed.
But one area I’m interested in exploring is modern art music in the church setting. And here, I’m thinking of atonal music and other types of complex musical expression in the context of our worship services.
Sure, there is some sacred music that is pathbreaking in nature – and as complex and subtle as any contemporary masterwork you would here in the symphony hall. But these are not works that are designed for use during an actual worship service, or even in the context of a worshipful concert.
Driven by this question of why we don’t see more of this type of music in our churches, I decided to wade into the waters a little bit more on this one to see who had been writing what.
I've decided that while I'm getting my thoughts organized, I'll leave a scratchpad of some of these ideas available for any of you readers who may be interested over on my website: http://members.cox.net/martinpommerenke
When you get there, just click the "Research" button on the navigation bar.
I don't know how far this project is going to go, so this seems like a good plan in the interim. Who knows? It might even turn into a blog. Or, I might decide to keep it private and do extracts of things for public consumption. We shall see.
At any rate, your good wishes and happy energies in my direction are most welcome as I've begun to dig into some of this grad school and idea research in a serious way.
8.11.2007
Vision of the Future
Ernie Hancock, an influential longtime freedom activist here in Arizona, has an excellent post on http://www.freedomsphoenix.com/ , discussing the current political climate leading up to the primaries this winter, and especially about the Iowa Republican straw poll:
The United State’s electoral process may now be a model of population control closer to the source of the problems rather than waiting for something to boil to the top. I wouldn’t be surprised if the NeoCon’s, and others that think as they do, see the expansion of “Democracy” as a more efficient method to rule the world. In their minds I’m sure that they believe it is much easier to control installed Middle East democracies with a floppy disk than with tanks.
Local governments and global governments have identical characteristics. The type of people with the “ruler” mentality that you come into contact on the local level is no different than those found trying to rule a global empire. And they all seek the same thing,… legitimacy. In 1994 I wrote an article http://www.buildfreedom.com/strategy/legitimacy.htm in response to being challenged on what I had come to believe the real battle was about. Keep in mind that this was 14 years ago but I think you can see how I arrived to where I am philosophically now. The Iowa Straw Poll has little to do with what the people have been led to believe. To gain a little more legitimacy the Straw Poll has now been limited to at least people 18 years of age at the time of the 2008 election and that live in Iowa. Earlier years had anyone that showed up with a paid ticket could vote. The claim that this event is a demonstration of organizational abilities is the best argument that can be made I guess, but the main funding comes from organizations supportive of the candidate/candidates willing to support selected agendas (any of those 'freedom oriented' you think?). Pre-purchased tickets were the norm in past elections, but Romney pulling back on the purchase of tickets near the Straw poll doesn’t make me feel any better. In fact I am even more concerned now.
Read the whole article here.
In particular, I commend to you the link that he references in the paragraphs I quoted challenging the oft-referenced “social contract” and the legitimacy of government.
About two years ago or so, many of my libertarian acquaintances spoke about how the value of the dollar versus foreign currency was going to go down the toilet. (They used a much more offensive metaphor, but we’ll skip that.) And, in fact, they’ve been right – other friends of mine have been actively working to get their savings out of American dollars before they become completely worthless.
The Federal Reserve’s recent injection of money into the economy to try to save the markets from a horrible crash yesterday is more proof of what trouble our economy is in, and we need to remember that things will get far, far worse before they get better. This inflation, of course, is a tax on all of us that hits the least among us the hardest.
The fastest way to wake people up to what government is doing is to do something that directly affects them – and a recession is one way that can happen. But an economic crisis, like other sorts of crises that we see as national in scale, is another reason for the government (especially the federal government), to usurp more power for themselves. And we Americans have come to depend on the government like a nursing child, so one cannot blame people for expecting the government to help and being frustrated and angry when it doesn’t.
Because this pro-government, socialist perspective is so ingrained in our mentality, the only way we will see a real change (vs. smoke and mirrors change) away from increasing totalitarianism is when we all finally feel imprisoned and personally threatened and deeply oppressed by the government.
I encourage all of you to remember what George Orwell said: "If you want a picture of the future, imagine a boot stomping on a human face -- forever."
The United State’s electoral process may now be a model of population control closer to the source of the problems rather than waiting for something to boil to the top. I wouldn’t be surprised if the NeoCon’s, and others that think as they do, see the expansion of “Democracy” as a more efficient method to rule the world. In their minds I’m sure that they believe it is much easier to control installed Middle East democracies with a floppy disk than with tanks.
Local governments and global governments have identical characteristics. The type of people with the “ruler” mentality that you come into contact on the local level is no different than those found trying to rule a global empire. And they all seek the same thing,… legitimacy. In 1994 I wrote an article http://www.buildfreedom.com/strategy/legitimacy.htm in response to being challenged on what I had come to believe the real battle was about. Keep in mind that this was 14 years ago but I think you can see how I arrived to where I am philosophically now. The Iowa Straw Poll has little to do with what the people have been led to believe. To gain a little more legitimacy the Straw Poll has now been limited to at least people 18 years of age at the time of the 2008 election and that live in Iowa. Earlier years had anyone that showed up with a paid ticket could vote. The claim that this event is a demonstration of organizational abilities is the best argument that can be made I guess, but the main funding comes from organizations supportive of the candidate/candidates willing to support selected agendas (any of those 'freedom oriented' you think?). Pre-purchased tickets were the norm in past elections, but Romney pulling back on the purchase of tickets near the Straw poll doesn’t make me feel any better. In fact I am even more concerned now.
Read the whole article here.
In particular, I commend to you the link that he references in the paragraphs I quoted challenging the oft-referenced “social contract” and the legitimacy of government.
About two years ago or so, many of my libertarian acquaintances spoke about how the value of the dollar versus foreign currency was going to go down the toilet. (They used a much more offensive metaphor, but we’ll skip that.) And, in fact, they’ve been right – other friends of mine have been actively working to get their savings out of American dollars before they become completely worthless.
The Federal Reserve’s recent injection of money into the economy to try to save the markets from a horrible crash yesterday is more proof of what trouble our economy is in, and we need to remember that things will get far, far worse before they get better. This inflation, of course, is a tax on all of us that hits the least among us the hardest.
The fastest way to wake people up to what government is doing is to do something that directly affects them – and a recession is one way that can happen. But an economic crisis, like other sorts of crises that we see as national in scale, is another reason for the government (especially the federal government), to usurp more power for themselves. And we Americans have come to depend on the government like a nursing child, so one cannot blame people for expecting the government to help and being frustrated and angry when it doesn’t.
Because this pro-government, socialist perspective is so ingrained in our mentality, the only way we will see a real change (vs. smoke and mirrors change) away from increasing totalitarianism is when we all finally feel imprisoned and personally threatened and deeply oppressed by the government.
I encourage all of you to remember what George Orwell said: "If you want a picture of the future, imagine a boot stomping on a human face -- forever."
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